because not enough websites start with the letter “Z”
Posted in diversions, life on Oct 24th, 2005
Michele and I both shared a love of movies. Long before we ever met we looked forward to seeing new movies and renting old favorites to see again. Throughout our relationship we watched movies together. In what I later learned was a litmus test, one of the first weekends we spent together included a suggestion [...]
Posted in family on Oct 22nd, 2005
I had a very long conversation with a very good friend last night. She is one of Michele’s oldest friends, and through my relationship with Michele I was able to develop my own friendship with her. Like me she is struggling to understand and absorb what happened to Michele. Like me she alternates between moments [...]
Posted in life on Oct 21st, 2005
I just yelled at my cat. She was curled up in my arms, being affectionate, trying to lick my face as that is how she shows love. And I yelled at her because I couldn’t get her to stop. Unfettered love, acceptance without bounds when you are trapped in the depths of despair is hard [...]
Posted in life on Oct 21st, 2005
I keep having flashbacks to the day Michele killed herself. Discovering her is indelibly imprinted on my mind. Like a sore in your mouth that you can’t stop touching with your tongue, I can’t stop replaying some parts of that Monday over and over in my mind. I realize that the movies I’ve been watching, [...]
Posted in life on Oct 19th, 2005
I find that my sense of the surreal in all of this is increasing. At my employment engagement we are engaged in a week-long series of meetings to “clarify” various points of the application to be designed and built. The conversations are often long and drawn out, with multiple perspectives and opinions from all corners [...]
Posted in life on Oct 19th, 2005
In recent years I’ve discovered that under normal circumstances I have the short term attention span of a gnat. The technical term for this is N. A. D. D.. Michele would ask me to change out the empty 5-gallon water jug for a full one on the dispenser and, unless I did it immediately, I’d [...]
Posted in life on Oct 18th, 2005
The book I am currently reading, Dark Hallow by John Connolly, has a line in it about the past hanging in the air waiting to be illuminated by the sharp rays of memory.
This apartment, the places we went together, what’s left of my life, are all suddenly filled with dust motes of the past. And [...]
Posted in life on Oct 16th, 2005
Michele always said that you should never make a decision when you were Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. I have certainly been all of these and more this week.
I’ve been making myself eat, even though I have no real appetite. In an effort to keep my mind occupied I made two of our favorites this [...]
Posted in life on Oct 14th, 2005
The physical impact of grief on me has taken me by surprise. Emotionally I thought I knew what to expect, but the nausea, cramps, feeling light headed, being constantly thirsty, and feeling wobbly when I stand, have all taken me quite by surprise.
Over the past few days I’ve been quite active preparing for this morning’s [...]
Posted in life on Oct 14th, 2005
I feel more connected to Michele and to myself this afternoon. Somehow the memorial this morning removed the block I had that was preventing me from reaching her fully. Pete saw a monarch butterfly come into the table with her pictures and urn, circle it and then flit off to the side. He said, and [...]
