because not enough websites start with the letter “Z”
Posted in life on Jun 28th, 2006
One of the books I’m currently reading is all about the tipping point; that place in the lifetime of a thing where a phase transformation occurs. For example the tipping point between liquid water and ice occurs at 32 degrees Fahrenheit. (I’ve only just started the book so my understanding and example maybe a bit [...]
Posted in life on Jun 26th, 2006
It has been almost nine months since my wife died and I am finding my thoughts turning more and more towards the future. What’s next? Who will I become in the next year? Five years? Decade? It is hard to contemplate, and even harder to visualize as real.
For some time now I have found my [...]
Posted in life on Jun 25th, 2006
Several times in recent weeks I’ve found myself thinking about the future. Not the gloomy I’m-alone-in-a-cave-forever future, but the I’m actually-living-and-maybe-have-a-meaningful-relationship future. Shocking, but true. Don’t tell anyone, it’ll ruin the brooding, melancholy thing I’ve got going.
What if, and it’s a big IF, I meet someone? What if they are intelligent, smart, funny, active, stylish, [...]
Since October I have been carrying around with me Michele’s wedding ring and mine. At first I kept them in my pocket. Her ring was returned to me in a small zip lock bag and I figured that anyone who had touched it would have been wearing gloves. I left it in the bag as [...]
For the first time since my mom died I truly cried last night. Once I was started it was hard to stop, and as I sobbed I could feel the tension that has been with me for weeks now relaxing. Afterwards I was totally spent and exhausted. It was as cathartic a cry as I’ve [...]
Posted in family on Jun 12th, 2006
As anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one knows all too well, “what if” questions can become the bane of your existence. At every turn you are faced with some thought or question that makes you wonder if things could have turned out differently. Did you miss an indication or opportunity? Was [...]
Posted in life on Jun 10th, 2006
Recently I have been having increasing feelings of jealous or envy, particularly when I am around couples. That they have a partner, companion, lover, friend, et cetera with them all the time and I don’t is almost more than I can bear. Being the odd man out, once again, at parties or other gatherings is [...]
Posted in family on Jun 4th, 2006
Saturday we held a memorial service for my mother. Informal by the traditional standard but all the more meaningful for us as a result. Friends and family both got up and talked about my Mom, including myself. Mom was organized and prepared to the very end; she picked out the music to be played and [...]
Posted in family on Jun 1st, 2006
As I gather up my things for my trip to Illinois this weekend the reason is all to real. Every time I have made this journey this spring I’ve felt a sense of unease, dread almost, the night before leaving. Every trip carried with it the potential of being the last one where I’d see [...]
Posted in family on Jun 1st, 2006
I have managed to coast through this week on auto-pilot. Emotionally I have been flat with one or two angry outbursts for flavor. Physically I am exhausted and worn out. Mentally I’m just not focused at all. I’ve had to resort to making a list of things I need to accomplish this week so that [...]
