because not enough websites start with the letter “Z”
Posted in family on Jun 8th, 2006
A year ago yesterday our phone rang at 2:30 in the morning bringing the news the Michele’s mom was in the hospital and not expected to survive the day. By 11:00 pm that evening her mom was dead and, I think, Michele’s depression had started a slide that would ultimately contribute to her own death [...]
Posted in family on Jun 1st, 2006
I have managed to coast through this week on auto-pilot. Emotionally I have been flat with one or two angry outbursts for flavor. Physically I am exhausted and worn out. Mentally I’m just not focused at all. I’ve had to resort to making a list of things I need to accomplish this week so that [...]
Posted in family on May 11th, 2006
Today has been a particularly tough day. I feel defeated on all fronts, and it feels like there is no where to turn for relief or even respite.
After lunch I took one of the team leads aside at work and admitted to him that due to my emotional situation I was not making much progress [...]
Posted in family on May 7th, 2006
Seeing my mom this weekend was harder than ever. Her depression about dying is very evident now. She readily admits that she is tired and just wants to quit. At times you can see utter defeat and despair on her face. My father remains steadfast and dependable, he has been by her side every step [...]
Posted in family on May 4th, 2006
Yesterday I made a cheesecake following my mom’s recipe. This is true New York style cheesecake; obscenely rich, creamy, and decadent. It’s also quite an undertaking to make with a pound of cream cheese, a pound of small curd cottage cheese, a pint of sour cream, grated lemon rind, lemon juice, sugar, vanilla, flour, a [...]
Posted in family on Apr 25th, 2006
Throughout your life you exist primarily inside a sphere called normal. Accidents, surprises, successes, and failures all move you around inside the sphere but you rarely approach the edge, much less cross that boundary into lunacy. The scope of normal is far greater than most of us would readily admit and, if we as a [...]
I lost my temper again today. As is always the case, the straw that broke the camel’s back was a minor, insignificant thing. I live in an complex of two story apartment buildings, town homes and duplexes. The local Fire Department has cited the management for allowing us all to have charcoal and gas grills [...]
Posted in life on Dec 10th, 2005
As hard as it is to imagine, I am actually lower today than I’ve been in the two months since Michele died. The threat of losing my job in a month has taken the one “stable” part of my life and, not only made it unstable, but made it the biggest threat I’m facing. Most [...]
Posted in life on Dec 9th, 2005
Ah the nomadic life of a technology knowledge worker in the free trade market. In what is becoming an all too familiar scene in my life, I was informed today that my contract will be ending on January 12, 2006. And on a Friday too, so I can spend the entire weekend feeling helpless and [...]
Posted in life on Nov 26th, 2005
In order here are the “meals” I had today.
Breakfast
Three-egg folded omelet
Lunch
Dublin Coddle (Irish potato and sausage soup)
Supper
Chips and salsa
(following a couple of hours of indecision) bowl of Frosted Flakes
The plan tomorrow is to make chili. Or maybe huddle in the corner, rocking back and forth muttering to myself.
