because not enough websites start with the letter “Z”
Posted in family on May 16th, 2006
My sister, Amy, died, thirty-three years ago of leukemia. During the last year of her life, and before we knew she was sick, my father took a portrait of her that really captured her essence. Shortly after her death he sent a copy of the picture to a company that produced a large format print [...]
Posted in family on May 11th, 2006
Today has been a particularly tough day. I feel defeated on all fronts, and it feels like there is no where to turn for relief or even respite.
After lunch I took one of the team leads aside at work and admitted to him that due to my emotional situation I was not making much progress [...]
Posted in family on May 8th, 2006
After sleeping on it last night, and in the context of my own life here in Kansas, here are my thoughts about my mom, and my dad, after seeing them this past weekend.
The visit with my mom was as good as could be expected. She is very depressed now, sleeping most of the day and [...]
Posted in family on May 4th, 2006
Yesterday I made a cheesecake following my mom’s recipe. This is true New York style cheesecake; obscenely rich, creamy, and decadent. It’s also quite an undertaking to make with a pound of cream cheese, a pound of small curd cottage cheese, a pint of sour cream, grated lemon rind, lemon juice, sugar, vanilla, flour, a [...]
Posted in family on May 2nd, 2006
verb
1 attempt to explain or justify (one’s own or another’s behavior or attitude) with logical, plausible reasons, even if they are not true or appropriate.
In the movie The Big Chill Jeff Goldblum’s character, Michael, gives the great line, “Rationalization is more important than sex. [...] Ever gone a week without a rationalization?” In the past [...]
Posted in family on Apr 27th, 2006
One of the things that Michele was particularly good at, and that she got me doing, was talking about uncomfortable situations in advance so as to lessen the impact when they happened for real. Knowing that you are going into a difficult situation is one thing, but talking about it before hand, in a safe, [...]
You’d think that the relative good news I got this afternoon regarding my vision would have given me an entire evening of good. You’d be wrong. Lately it seems that the boiling water of my anger is always just below the surface waiting for the slightest reason to explode.
Tonight it was a stupid piece of [...]
Posted in family on Apr 25th, 2006
Throughout your life you exist primarily inside a sphere called normal. Accidents, surprises, successes, and failures all move you around inside the sphere but you rarely approach the edge, much less cross that boundary into lunacy. The scope of normal is far greater than most of us would readily admit and, if we as a [...]
Posted in family on Apr 24th, 2006
After returning home yesterday from seeing my parents I had a major bout of the blues, with a heaping side helping of rage. I am certainly grateful that I have been able to visit my mom several times since her prognosis was changed to terminal in February, and I wouldn’t give this time up for [...]
I feel so isolated. So terribly alone and isolated.
I’ve always felt different, felt like I didn’t fit in with the group. Belonging has always meant hiding or submerging some part of myself so I don’t stand out from the group. Emotional camouflage is my forte and my refuge. In the weeks and months since [...]
