because not enough websites start with the letter “Z”
Posted in life on Jul 20th, 2006
As I move from acknowledging Michele’s death to accepting the new reality of life without her, I have become aware of the segmentation occurring within my personality. No, I’m not developing split personalities, although one could argue it would be hard to differentiate from my behavior prior to her death, but I am starting to [...]
Posted in family on Jul 9th, 2006
I’m starting to take some “next steps” in my journey back from the land of grief. Some of these are mental and or emotional adjustments, while others are more tangible. The most tangible one to date has been the changing of my voice mail greeting.
Until yesterday if you called my home phone you were greeted [...]
For the first time since my mom died I truly cried last night. Once I was started it was hard to stop, and as I sobbed I could feel the tension that has been with me for weeks now relaxing. Afterwards I was totally spent and exhausted. It was as cathartic a cry as I’ve [...]
Posted in family on Jun 1st, 2006
As I gather up my things for my trip to Illinois this weekend the reason is all to real. Every time I have made this journey this spring I’ve felt a sense of unease, dread almost, the night before leaving. Every trip carried with it the potential of being the last one where I’d see [...]
Posted in family on Jun 1st, 2006
Today it seems as if everyone is too busy to sit down and really connect. We are all racing around from one job or activity to another. Just getting together requires planning and work with all of our schedules. So it is very nice to discover that people really do care, and really do worry [...]
Posted in family on Jun 1st, 2006
I have managed to coast through this week on auto-pilot. Emotionally I have been flat with one or two angry outbursts for flavor. Physically I am exhausted and worn out. Mentally I’m just not focused at all. I’ve had to resort to making a list of things I need to accomplish this week so that [...]
You’d think that the relative good news I got this afternoon regarding my vision would have given me an entire evening of good. You’d be wrong. Lately it seems that the boiling water of my anger is always just below the surface waiting for the slightest reason to explode.
Tonight it was a stupid piece of [...]
Posted in family on Apr 21st, 2006
Whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not, each of us has a finite number of days here on Earth. The metaphysics of reincarnation aside we all will come to the end sooner or later. For my mother the end is now sooner. She herself told me in an email last weekend that [...]
After my epiphany last evening regarding the root of my seemingly endless supply of anger I cried and cried. I haven’t been crying much lately, in fact, looking back over the past few weeks, I haven’t really been feeling much of anything for a while. It is obvious in the light of a new day [...]
Posted in life on Mar 18th, 2006
Grief slinks along in the shadows, waiting for you to drop your guard before grabing you, dragging you back into the darkness you were trying to leave. Grief hates the light, and hates you for being able to survive in the light. Grief is a demon that only knows darkness, despair, pain, and suffering. [...]
