Two of the television shows that both Michele and I loved to watch were Survivor and Amazing Race. I watched the spring season of both shows this year, and while it was bittersweet at times, I’m glad I let myself have this enjoyment.
On Amazing Race this year the team I rooted for right from the [...]
Tag Archive 'michele'
Throughout my life I’ve never been able to remember my dreams. On rare occasion I’ll wake up and know that I’ve been dreaming, but the images in my head are fleeting and disappear almost immediately. It has never really bothered me, until now.
Before the reason for my upset will make sense I need to explain [...]
Good Night
Posted in family on May 9th, 2006
Every night, before we would go to sleep, MIchele and I said good night to each other. Over the course of our marriage this ritual became a bookend on the day. Even on those rare occasions when we didn’t go to bed at the same time we shared our good nights with each other. In [...]
Depression
Posted in family on May 7th, 2006
Seeing my mom this weekend was harder than ever. Her depression about dying is very evident now. She readily admits that she is tired and just wants to quit. At times you can see utter defeat and despair on her face. My father remains steadfast and dependable, he has been by her side every step [...]
ra-tion-al-ize
Posted in family on May 2nd, 2006
verb
1 attempt to explain or justify (one’s own or another’s behavior or attitude) with logical, plausible reasons, even if they are not true or appropriate.
In the movie The Big Chill Jeff Goldblum’s character, Michael, gives the great line, “Rationalization is more important than sex. [...] Ever gone a week without a rationalization?” In the past [...]
What If I Don’t Have A Birthday?
Posted in family on Apr 27th, 2006
One of the things that Michele was particularly good at, and that she got me doing, was talking about uncomfortable situations in advance so as to lessen the impact when they happened for real. Knowing that you are going into a difficult situation is one thing, but talking about it before hand, in a safe, [...]
Finite Number
Posted in family on Apr 21st, 2006
Whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not, each of us has a finite number of days here on Earth. The metaphysics of reincarnation aside we all will come to the end sooner or later. For my mother the end is now sooner. She herself told me in an email last weekend that [...]
I feel so isolated. So terribly alone and isolated.
I’ve always felt different, felt like I didn’t fit in with the group. Belonging has always meant hiding or submerging some part of myself so I don’t stand out from the group. Emotional camouflage is my forte and my refuge. In the weeks and months since [...]
Sometimes the enormity of Michele’s death hits me particularly hard. The very idea of death is so hard to wrap your mind around that, when coupled with the death of your life’s love, you really can’t grasp it all. Or even begin to understand it all.
The only analogy I can find is the fable about [...]
Lingering Goodbye
Posted in family on Apr 10th, 2006
Since learning of my mother’s terminal condition almost two months ago, the amount of contact I have with my parents, in person and on the phone, has naturally increased. Even having just seen her last Friday I am already contemplating my next visit. Not knowing when the last visit will happen, but knowing that it [...]
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