Recently I’ve been attending a support group for people who’ve lost someone to suicide. Group is an interesting experience; on one hand you are with people who’ve all have experiences similar to yours and have a better appreciation for what you are experiencing. On the other hand you are in a room full of a [...]
Tag Archive 'therapy'
Stumbling Towards Normalcy
Posted in life on Feb 15th, 2006
In the past two weeks I have attended two different survivors of suicide group. My motivation for going has been an increasing level of frustration and outright anger about little things, particularly when I am at home alone. In part I think my anger is about the unrelenting nature of grief. Almost every other experience [...]
Rough Day at Black Rock
Posted in life on Feb 8th, 2006
Today has been rough. For some time now I have been getting more and more confused by the design approach we are using on my project at work. This approach, coupled with a rather dense application framework, has contributed to feelings of inadequacy and lowered my battered self esteem even more. Feeling stupid has always [...]
Coming Down
Posted in life on Jan 16th, 2006
In the several hours since my rage filled posting earlier today I have had quite a breakdown. Initially I started expending the energy from my repressed anger by cleaning up what has become the storage closet. The Saturday of New Year’s Eve I removed all of Michele work clothes and took them to Goodwill. Since [...]
Tear for Michele
Posted in life on Nov 29th, 2005
In my professional life as a software application architect I spend a lot of time looking at and understanding process. How does the client work today? How do they want to work tomorrow? What processes exist to help or hinder them? So it shouldn’t be surprising that I look for processes in my personal life. [...]
Frustration
Posted in life on Nov 19th, 2005
My frustration level is at an all time high these days. The slightest wrinkles in my plans leave me seething with anger. I know that the root cause is the loss of the one place where I could talk out the surface “story for publication” crap, and then explore the real underlying motivation and emotions. [...]
The aspect of my relationship with Michele that is going to be the hardest to live without is the lack of a safe place to vent. We all have moments where the frustrations of the day overwhelm us and we want to lash out inappropriately in order to vent. Who among us hasn’t skewered a [...]
Relentless
Posted in life on Nov 5th, 2005
The thing about grief is that it is relentless. People talk about things being 24×7, meaning all the time, but until you have lived with the constant pressure of grief pulling at you every second of every minute of every hour of every day, until then you don’t know what relentless really means.
You can’t escape [...]
Home Alone
Posted in life on Oct 29th, 2005
I had a full day today, trying to keep the aloneness from getting to me. I got it in my head this week that I wanted to move the furniture around. Yesterday I bought a swivel base for the television in preparation for the new arrangement, and this morning at 7:00 I was running the [...]
Light of a New Day
Posted in family on Oct 22nd, 2005
I had a very long conversation with a very good friend last night. She is one of Michele’s oldest friends, and through my relationship with Michele I was able to develop my own friendship with her. Like me she is struggling to understand and absorb what happened to Michele. Like me she alternates between moments [...]
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