April 16, 2004
Recently I posted a piece about a new definition ( to me any way ) of faith. Since then a lot has happened in my life that has required, oddly enough, faith.
Being out of work, not knowing what the next day holds, feeling adrift in the world, requires a lot of faith. I can not control what happens when I send my resume off to a prospective employer. I can not cause some one to show up and buy my house. I am unable to make any plans for the future because I don't know what the future is any more. Beyond getting up every day, and eating, there is little I have control over. The rest happens.
I could agonize over all the bits and pieces that are beyond my power to control, but that would drive me slowly insane. I could get angry at the events that led to this situation, but only I would suffer from that anger. I could turn on Michele and take my frustrations out on her simply because she is here with me, but that would only drive away my best friend and stanchest supporter.
I could do all of those things, or I could trust myself. I could trust that I am doing all I can do move forward. I could trust that a new job will come. I could trust that I will be okay. All I need do is trust without reservation. All I need is faith.