November 14, 2005
For several weeks now I have been holding my tongue regarding a posting made to Michele’ site. Shortly after I converted the site to be a place to remember Michele her brother sent me a posting to include, along with a composite picture to display.
Immediately upon reading his words I felt myself trapped and uncertain what to do. I knew that Michele’s experience with her brother was vastly different that what Lee was portraying, that they weren’t close at all. In fact Michele had cut off her relationship with her brother as it only brought her pain. My quandary was what to do with his posting, after all I had solicited comments and postings from all her friends and family. So I posted it to her site and held my thoughts.
I frequently visit the site and reread the words there and every time I run across that posting I get angry and upset again. Obviously I needed to do something to address the feelings it brought up in me. Through out our relationship I tried to balance my fierce desire to protect Michele from any threat real or imagined with a need to allow her to have her own life. I never wanted to take care of myself by “forcing” her to be a certain way. So I stayed out of her relationship struggles with her parents and brother, just as she stayed out of my own relationship with my family. She was fully capable of taking care of her self. However, now she can only speak to those people who knew her true heart, so I have added my comments to Lee’s posting on her site.
Having taken this step has released a large bolus of anger inside of me, I feel lighter and more centered than I have for a while. I guess I didn’t realize just how upset I was by the revisionist recollections put on her site by someone she was afraid of, and by someone she wanted out of her life.
Michele, I know that I may have built karma with Lee by calling him on his posting, but it took care of me to do so. I will gladly pay this debt when it come due.