January 11, 2006
Recently I have noticed an increase in my nighttime dream activity. This is not to say that I am dreaming more, I am just more aware of the dreams I have. I’m still not remembering them, but they are now waking me up fairly regularly. These aren’t nightmares; I’m not waking up screaming or anything. But they are disrupting my sleep.
I suppose when I step back to look at my situation an increase in agitated sleep is to be expected given all that I have been through in the past few months. As much as learning my employment situation was once again stable has returned my life to “normal”, the normal I’ve returned to is abnormal in the extreme. Life without Michele is slowly becoming less surreal and easier to cope with on a day to day basis. Of course this upsets me as I feel I shouldn’t ever be okay about her being gone.
Dreams are where we sort out things our subconscious knows that our conscious mind doesn’t. I guess they are a kind of pressure relief valve, and mine seems to be venting regularly. The only real question I have pertains to when, or if, I have to start dealing with the submerged issues my subconscious is facing now.