February 26, 2006
One of the semi-destructive behaviors I have started to exhibit as a result of my depression is spending money. Buying something new gives me a short high, a feeling of goodness and lightness. Unfortunately the feeling never lasts long, and I frequently regret having made the purchase in the first place. Several items I’ve recently purchases haven’t worked the way I wanted, or for some other reason didn’t satisfy, and have been taken back.
In no particular order, here is a partial list of things I’ve nearly bought recently. Items marked with a (*) were bought only to be returned later.
I am ready to commit to spending a considerable sum of money for LASIK surgery on my eyes. I was approved for the care credit loan, and the doctor feels I am a excellent candidate for corrective surgery. I don’t know yet if my getting this done is about addressing my unhappiness with my glasses and the limitations they impose, or trying to spend away the guilt and sadness that Michele’s death has left me.