Recently, in a conversation with Laura, I used the phrase “instead of trying to be with people who look good, we should try to be with people who feel good.” She didn’t let that bon mot go by unnoticed. Thinking back on her comments about it, I realize that one of the cornerstones of my relationship with Michele was how we each felt towards each other, and more importantly, how we felt about ourselves when we were with each other.
I felt good about Michele, and I know she felt good about me. Moreover, I felt good about myself when I was with her, and I know she felt good about herself when she was with me. Too much of the time our society focuses on the surface looks and immediate sex appeal of another person, and builds a relationship on that rather temporal foundation. When the underlying person is finally seen, warts and all, the surface glitter is usually not enough to sustain the relationship. Because Michele and I met online and spent months on the phone before physically meeting for the first time, we were able to fold into our physical impressions of each other our already established emotional take on each other. Knowing the person on the inside only made the person on the outside more appealing.
The moral (or as Eddie Izzard would have it, marble) of the story? Follow what makes you feel good over that which only looks good.