April 05, 2006
Tomorrow it will have been two weeks since I underwent LASIK eye surgery to correct my vision. My patience (never something I possess in abundance) is all but gone. I am not able to see with out squinting, or sitting 5 inches away from what I trying to do. Driving at night is surreal and awful - there are halos around all the lights and I have a hard time focusing my attention on just the road. I will admit that I am terrified that I have made a huge mistake and that I’ll end up regretting this for the rest of my life. My fear is that I am going to need glasses in order to see past the alterations that don’t seem to be helping me see yet.
The literature is very vague about healing times and what to expect when. I understand that it could take a month or more for the cornea to fully heal, and that my vision might fluctuate for up to six months, maybe longer. Reconciling that understanding with a daily struggle to simply see to read the computer or watch television is frustrating and wearing me down. I had thought that doing something good for me, something that would eliminate the frustrations I had with bifocals, was a good idea. More and more I am thinking that stacking the need for patience and acceptance on top of my current emotional load might have been really stupid.
At present I can see a slightly out of focus and strangely luminescent image beyond arms reach with my left eye. Text on the screen is manageable, but not in focus. Unless this improves in the coming weeks and months I will need a corrective lens in order to see clearly. Between two and eight inches I am able to see quite clearly; unfortunately leaning into the computer screen to see with my right eye for eight or ten or twelve hours a day is killing my back. So my choice is comfortable seating position, out-of-focus headache producing sight, or in focus, back killing posture sight.
I am not at all happy about this, but I am resigned to my fate. Hopefully in three or six or twelve months I’ll be writing a new posting retracting all of this fear and upset.
Oh, and just to rub salt in this particular self inflicted wound, the first monthly payment statement arrived in the mail yesterday.