May 24, 2006
I started out to write a posting about needing a vacation. I was going to talk about the types of vacations I've had in the past, and how I find time by myself without structure difficult right now. As I re-read what I had writing it sounded like just so much bullshit to me.
I don't need a vacation. I need a week or so without any stress. I need time without the weight of my grief bearing me down. I need time without the fear of my cellphone ringing only to bring me the news of my mother's impending death. I need time without the stress of work and a completely irrational deadline. I need time without world events, bills to pay, or other people.
In short I need a week of suspended animation. I just want to go somewhere quiet and peaceful, where I can't be bothered or stressed, and just be for a while. No thoughts, no emotions, no physical pain or discomfort. Just floating on a calm sea with no worries or intrusions. When I was a kid I saw a play called "Stop the World! I Want to Get Off!" I have no idea what it was about anymore, but I can empathize with the title. Stop the world, just for a bit, I want to get off.
Unfortunately I'm not likely to get a break from any of the aggravations in my life for some time to come.