June 01, 2006
I have managed to coast through this week on auto-pilot. Emotionally I have been flat with one or two angry outbursts for flavor. Physically I am exhausted and worn out. Mentally I’m just not focused at all. I’ve had to resort to making a list of things I need to accomplish this week so that I show up in Decatur with my suit and tie, dress socks and shoes. That it is a holiday shortened week isn’t helping matters at all as I feel like it is Wednesday and I have yet another day to prepare.
Tomorrow will be a long day as I am making the drive back to Illinois. Originally I was going to try and work the few remaining hours of my 32-hour week before going but I’ve decided that I need to take better care of me than that, and so I’ll be take some vacation time instead. I am looking forward to seeing my cousin, aunt and uncle over the weekend. I’ve not seen some of them for a long time. Funerals are such an odd mixture of reunion and sorrow.
My father forwarded to me a copy of the program Mom put together for the funeral. In addition to writing her obituary, she selected the music she wanted played:
At her request, I will be speaking, as will her brother, a niece, a long-time friend, and a co-worker. I think she will be well remember and celebrated. For me, at least, the ceremony will release the pent up emotion and energy I’ve been carrying around for the past few weeks. It will be a hard day but ultimately a good one.