Reluctance

November 13, 2002

Several weeks ago I discovered that Peter Gabriel, one of my all time favorite artists was on tour and would be in Chicago. My initial try at getting tickets failed as the show as sold out. Several days later, however, a friend informed that a second show had been added. He was interested in going as well so I ordered two tickets online immediately. Then I asked/told Michele about the show. It was not a good thing. While I knew she didn't want to go to a concert I still should have asked to include her. Her feelings were hurt by not being asked.

We have worked through the residue left by my poor handling of the tickets. In fact we are both going up to Chicago tomorrow for the show. We are spending a couple of nights and will do some sightseeing and shopping on Friday. She is okay with my going to the show Thursday with my friend. However I am discovering that I am less enthusiastic than I expected about going to the show. It has been at least 10 years since I attended a rock concert and then I remembered it as being less than perfect. Too many people in one place, too much energy to feel really comfortable; a large crowd, some of who are intoxicated or high, all energized by the music can be an uncomfortable experience for me.

What bothers me even more than the crowd is going to the show without Michele. In five plus years of marriage we haven't done anything like this apart. We both know and understand that this concert is something I want to do and not something she wants to do, but I feel odd going without her. I am very used to turning to her and commenting on the events around us, or to see how she is enjoying whatever event we are attending. Tomorrow night she won't be at my side. Now I know most couples have their own interests and often participate without their partners. Michele and I aren't like that. In almost 6 years of living together we have only been apart 2 nights. We both hated each of those nights and I have vowed not to spend a night apart from My Love again. I know that after the show I will return to our motel room and be with her; still going without her feels like a separation. I don't like it.

We have a long ride in the car tomorrow to get to the city, I will need to talk to her about this and sort out my feelings so that I can be free to enjoy the show. More importantly I won't carry around with me negative feelings that could potentially grow into something harder to deal with than missing my Sweetheart at a rock concert.

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Mark H. Nichols

I am a husband, cellist, code prole, nerd, technologist, and all around good guy living and working in fly-over country. You should follow me on Twitter.