June 17, 2003
My short term employment future is looking better. My contract extension was picked up by the State so I am good for another 500 hours starting July 1st. However, my contract bid for a year long contract at another agency failed. The winning bid was less than half of my offer.
Being so far up one day and so far down the next has put me in a reflective frame of mind. I find myself trying to see this whole series of events not as obstacles but rather as an opportunity for me to grow. If I were to take the view point of many of my fellow consultants this the beginning of dark times. When I am at work it is very hard not to get sucked into that perspective.
When I am away from work I find it easier to see the whole picture and not just the fear based parts. Nothing is firm yet so acting as if this is all a done deal and reacting to it is foolish. Ignoring it altogether is just as foolish. Perhaps the correct response lies in a combination of the extremes.
I am not going to respond out of fear of the unknown. Jumping the gun will only hurt me as I would be running away from my fears rather than embracing them. I am also not going to hide my head in the sand hoping this will all blow over. I've opened myself up to alternate possibilities and I am focusing on what I want for me and my life. If something comes along that feels right I will act on it.
I believe that this is a life-test I created for myself. I need to have faith in my emotions as well as my intellect in order to succeed. I need to listen to my spiritual voice as well as the voice of reason. If I can stay balanced within myself, I will find a place in reality that is balanced for me.