July 11, 2003
Yesterday was awful. I was feeling down most of the day and everything I tried to accomplish failed to work. I was frustrated by a simple connection problem at work and ended up spending most of the day moving in circles to no avail.
At lunch I treated myself with a trip to the bookstore and the local Best Buy. While at Best Buy I found a data cable for my Motorola v60t cell phone. Thinking it would allow me to synchronize my phone and Powerbook I bought it. Of course it failed to work. It was only $17 so I guess you get what you pay for. I ended up taking it back after work.
When I got home I was sullen and feeling pretty miserable. Michele to her great credit didn't let me sulk very long before asking what was the matter. Thanks to the wonderfully safe place she created for me I was able to express a lot of pent up anger and fear. As I released my emotions I could feel my self getting lighter.
She helped me to see that I am coping with the impending end of my contract much better than I would have in the past. Yesterday my mood was so black that I felt like I'd been handling this situation very poorly. Once I had cleared out some of the more negative emotions I could see that I was doing okay. It's funny how your current emotional state can cloud your perception of past events and feelings.
Later on in the evening I got an e-mail in reference to a job that is exactly what I am looking for; all my skills AND in a location we would love to live. It'll be a while before I know if this lead will pan out, so I'm not going to say much about it here. I will say that I have been putting out into the universe and idea of what I wanted to do and where for some time now. This new lead seems to be an answer to that request.
So in less than 24 hours I have gone from a morose, sullen, angry man, to someone who is feeling balanced and free, and who has something exciting on the horizon. The key was trusting my partner, friend, lover and wife, Michele. Knowing that I can lean on her when the going gets rough means the world to me. Knowing that I can trust her to tell me the truth, painful or not, is very important. She doesn't tell me what I think I want to hear, she tells me the truth as she see it. It isn't about judging or criticizing. It is about sharing her perspective so that I can see my position better.