July 22, 2003
My life situation continues to be filled with fear, uncertainty, and doubt. It seems that no matter where I look these days there is unrest and uncertainty about the future.
The United States feels more out of control than ever before. Terrorism from abroad and terror tactics from within have made living here uncomfortable in a way that I have never experienced before. I used to view our national government as inept, but largely harmless. Now I wonder if it is safe to live in this country and hold the views I hold. I feel like our government has been handed over to the right-wing Christian hard-liners. I fear for the freedoms we as Americans have taken for granted for so many years.
Personally my employment situation continues to be unsettled. I am finding some opportunities, but none that we have wanted to uproot our lives for yet. We have been trying to reevaluate our personal life goals so that when (if) we move it is to a place that better takes care of us. This would be hard enough to accomplish without adding fear of our countries direction to the mix. We have started talking about going abroad for a time. Or maybe to someplace small and out of the way in this country.
Financially, choices and bad decisions I have made in the past few years are coming home to roost. Leaving here and selling the house is a way to clear away all our debts, which is good. But it leaves us starting over again, which is a bitter pill to swallow.
The only thing in my life today that doesn't fill me with fear, uncertainty, or doubt is my relationship with my beautiful wife, Michele. Without her love, understanding, support, and friendship, I would never be able to survive this current set of rapids in the river of my life.