March 30, 2004
Today has been a long and, at times, difficult day. I started out feeling defeated and lost in the wilderness of unemployment. Being cut off from the structure and social framework that has been my job for over three years has been harder to deal with than I would have imagined. My wife, who would know, tells me I am suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome. I think that this morning's feeling of defeat was another bit of that PTSD coming to the surface.
The past week and a half has been one wicked roller coaster ride of emotions. I've been up and buoyant one minute, and down and defeated the next. When I am up I can see that in the end this experience will be a good one. It will have freed me from a very destructive environment. We will get to move on to a new town.
However, when I am down all I can see is the struggle I face getting a new job. Toss in the emotional land mines, courtesy of the PTSD, and I get very depressed. Have the outlet of writing about it has helped in more ways than one. It has given me an outlet when I've needed one. Sharing my experience, rough emotions and all, has been good for me.
I'm not so tired tonight as I was this morning.