June 24, 2004
For some weeks now I have been sitting on an offer of work in Kansas City. It was the first, and is still the only, offer I've generated in over three months of looking. Because it is located in a city I had never before considered it was hard initially to generate any enthusiasm for going there. Because it was not a position that would allow us to keep our home here it was hard to envision us moving and being happy.
In the days since that offer was first made I've managed to generate interest from several other potential employers, none however have made an offer yet. I managed to have myself bid on three different state contracts. Two of those have now gone to someone else. The most recent only this morning. With only one iron left in the state fire I feel like that future is slipping away.
The other opportunities were through a large, multi-national consulting company. One contract possibility was put on hold until mid-August. There is no guarantee I'd get the spot then, and it is too far off for me to safely wait. Another was for a position that would require my drive close to 170 miles a day in order to be home at night. I passed. The final option is still pending. It will allow me to work from home four days a week and only be on site one day each week. I am hoping for this position, but I have no way of knowing if I'll be selected. Interviews have yet to happen and I fear that the longer it takes the less likely my chances are.
I've always believed that when one door is closed another is opened. When the door on my contract closed in March it seemed like there were no open doors anywhere. I spent eight solid weeks searching and calling and not finding anything. Then a single door opened. After so much emotional battering I was leery and hesitant. I didn't immediately walk through but I have allowed my self to look at the space beyond and I know we'll be okay there.
I managed to open some other doors in the last month, but now I'm not so sure that I opened them, or just pried them apart long enough to build false hope. All but two of the additional doors has now been closed. The remaining two are good opportunities and they would each allow us to stay here.
On Monday I'll take the first steps through the open door in Kansas. It maybe that we'll like the feeling there enough to let go of staying here. It maybe that I'll be made an offer to come back here and walk through a door here. That would mean my shutting the door in Kansas City.
I feel like the guy in the fable who is faced with several doors. One leads to safety and salvation, the others may lead to safety and may lead to disaster.