May 09, 2006
Lately I've been feeling tired all the time. For the first time in years I am having trouble getting to sleep. In the weeks that immediately followed Michele's death I was having trouble sleeping through the night. I'd get to sleep without any difficulty only to wake in the early hours of the morning, unable to get back to sleep. I never had to resort to sleeping aids but it did leave me feeling run down all the time. Eventually I started sleeping through the night and I began to feel less tired all the time.
All of this has changed in the past few weeks as I've started having insomnia again. This time I fall asleep only to wake up in twenty or thirty minutes. This cycle repeats itself over and over until I get frustrated and just get up. Usually sitting up for an hour or so makes me drowsy enough to fall asleep and not wake up. Unfortunately, between the sitting up and the sleeplessness prior I am only getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night now. I've tried napping in the late afternoon when I get home from work, thinking that an hour's sleep will leave me less exhausted when I want to go to bed, and more apt to sleep without waking. This doesn't always work, and the accumulation of sleepless nights is starting to take its toll. I'm achy and tired all the time, with no energy or drive at all.
So tonight I'll dip into the Tylenol PM supply and see if I can't get a full night's sleep for a change. I hate to have to take drugs to sleep but if I don't get caught up soon I am afraid that my physical condition will deteriorate leaving me wide open for colds or other maladies.