I have cleaned up the presentation a bit. I haven’t checked it out on all browsers yet. It does work on Safari, Camino, and IE for Mac. If you are using something else and it doesn’t come off smoothly let me know and I’ll see what I can do to patch the CSS.
Last evening was the longest I can ever remember. Michele and I alternated between a kind of shocked silence, tears, and pretense at normalcy. In gestalt therapy two terms are used to describe the current focus verses the rest of your life. When something is ‘figure’ it is your current focus and it often blocks your ability to see anything else in your life. ‘Ground’ is the term given to the rest of your life. Last night we each had periods where the loss of Abby was intensely figure and also periods where her death faded into the ground.
The hardest part was expecting to see or hear our little Abby-cat in her normal routine. Often times, just before we go to sleep, we’ll lay across the bed watching television reruns. Abby would jump up on the bed and then curl up on my hip or chest and purr loudly. When I realized that she was never going to do that again I thought my heart would break. I woke up this morning without her raspy breathing inches from my face, her left paw poised to touch my nose again and again until I played with her.
We cried and cried after turning off the lights. Somehow going to sleep meant that it was really real. Letting yesterday slip away meant that we were that much farther away from our beloved little fur ball. We questioned our resolve to let go of Miss Abby in the darkness and had to rely of each other for answers and affirmations we did the right thing. Gradually our conversation slipped around to remembrances of Abby and the wonderful personality she possessed. Michele and I both believe in reincarnation, and we also believe that dogs and cats have a spirit that is part of a larger ‘hive-mind.’ We know that Abby has returned to her sisters and brothers, and that she took a lifetime of love and caring with her.
Nekko, our other cat, is acting oddly. She has never known a time without Abby. I know it will be a few days before she starts to adjust. I am not sure what changes we’ll see in her personality. I hope that she comes back to us soon as we need her wonderful self to brighten our days and lift our hearts.
The CD that has had the most airtime in my car lately is Peter Gabriel’s ‘UP.’ Filled with darker songs and themes one in particular stands out for me, and has since the first listen last fall, ‘I Grieve.’ In an interview, Gabriel explained that his earlier song, ‘Don’t Give Up,’ had generated hundreds of letters from people who found solace in it’s words and message. He went on to say that he hoped ‘I Grieve’ would touch people in a similar fashion. I find that I am finding solace in this refrain from the song: Life carries on.
I know that life will carry on, I know that we will gradual lose the heaviness in our hearts and that we will remember all the love and joy Miss Abby brought to our lives. Eventually we’ll add a new kitten or maybe a puppy to our household. But for now I grieve.
My cat needs to be let go. She is 10 years old and starting to have some significant health and quality of life issues. All of her life she has suffered from a respiratory issues that at times makes it extremely difficult for her to breathe. About 5 years ago she started to have problems with constipation. Two years ago we had to take her to the emergency hospital overnight due to a severe blockage.
We have noticed a slowing down in her activities this winter, and an increase in blockages. She has had 3 bouts of constipation in the last 4 weeks. She has also started to lose control of her bladder resulting in several instances where she has urinated on the floor or couch. She urinated on the furniture again sometime yesterday, and this morning we found another fecal deposit the size of a golf ball. Today her anus is distended and obviously sore. She is avoiding us and will until the blockage passes.
Michele and I are both strong advocates of the whole living will idea for people. When we first started talking seriously about Abby’s condition in February we started keeping a diary so that we could objectively measure her quality of life. Based on that diary we are now seeing that her life is starting to diminish. Since she can’t tell us what she wants we have to take on the awesome responsibility of deciding for her, based on our knowledge of her and our desires for how life should be lived.
As I am writing this, Michele is contacting the vet to make arrangements for a final visit. We are going to let our sweet, dear, wonderful Abby go. I don’t want her to suffer needlessly. I don’t want my life prolonged through artificial means and I am not going to be hypocritical and force medicine or surgery on Abby. She can’t understand and the trauma of the treatment outweighs any additional life it may buy.
We have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon at 3 to let her go forever.
Update (1:00 pm) After coming home early today to spend time with Michele we decided that putting it off until tomorrow was just making it worse. We called the vet back and we are going to let go of Miss Abby this afternoon. We fed her a bowl of her favorite ~ salmon, and now we are rattling around the house waiting for the time to leave.
We have shed a lot of tears already, and I know that many more will come afterwards. Miss Abby has had a wonderful life, full of love and care. I know that she has touched my heart deeply. I also know that as long as her memory lives on in my heart she won’t truly be gone.
I have become politically active. Below is a copy of a letter I e-mailed today to both of my senators and representative. You can find the address and contact information for your elected officials here. I urge you to participate in your country by writing your elected officials no matter what your beliefs or opinions. Do not allow the large special interest groups to make decisions that are beneficial to them without adding your voice to the debate.
The Honorable [insert name] United States Senator Dirksen Senate Office Building Washington, DC 20510
RE: Iraq, Terrorism, and the Patriot Act II
Dear Senator,
I am contacting you as a concerned citizen. I wish to state that I am opposed to any military action against the country of Iraq or Saddam Hussein. There appears to be no clearly stated goal for this action, and, what is worse, no clear plan for the aftermath of this action. I am also unconvinced that there is any credible link between Saddam Hussein and the terrorist attack on the United States in September 2001. Finally I am deeply concerned about the use of these two issues to draft new legislation restricting the Constitutional freedoms I have as a United States citizen while increasing the powers of law enforcement.
With no clearly stated goal for military action against Iraq I fear that it will continue to escalate and grow long after the first salvo is fired. Unlike the 1992 Gulf War, where the world was united in its purpose and had the clearly stated goal of removing Iraq from Kuwait, this proposed war has divided the world and seems to be increasingly a contest of wills between our country and the leader of Iraq. The United States was instrumental in the creation of the United Nations following World War II. The events of the past few weeks have clearly demonstrated why that organization is vital to the citizens of the world. If the current administration cannot convince the world, through the UN, that war against Iraq is the only viable solution, then we should look for other solutions.
It is obvious that the terror attack of September 11, 2001 was used to generate support for, and pass the Patriot Act. The increased monitoring and arrest powers contained in that law are a dangerous precedent. The Patriot Act II is even more scary as it continues this erosion of personal liberties and freedoms, and it includes no ‘sunset’ clause limiting its lifetime. I am directly opposed to its passage.
In recent travels outside the United States I was engaged on more than one occasion by citizens of other countries who all expressed their concern about US foreign policy, and their increasing fear of the United States. Imagine my shock and dismay at learning first hand the the new attitude of fear and distrust the people of the world hold for the US.
As a concerned citizen I would like to request that you do not support the passage of the Patriot Act II, and that you do not support the United States engaging in military action against the People of Iraq without unanimous world support. For I fear that if these two events do happen, the United States will have slipped dangerously close to becoming a fascist state, and “that government of the people, by the people, for the people [will] have perish[ed] from the earth.”
Sincerely Yours,
Mark H. Nichols
Concerned Citizen
Last night my sweetheart and I talked about our different approaches to using computers. I am a born geek who lives and breathes technology. I am willing to experiment with new software and hardware just to see what it does, and I expect and welcome the challenge when I “break” something along the way. Michele wants her computer to enable her creativity and to provide the means to accomplish her goals in life. At times I hear a simple request and make it a arduous ordeal of trial and error. I enjoy the search for answers and solutions to problems. She just wants to copy VHS tapes to DVD.
This causes friction between us and, to our great credit, we sit down and talk it out. One of our greatest strengths as a couple is that we have differences and we acknowledge them. Knowing that she views computers and the role they play in her life differently than I, helps me to see them from a new perspective. I have learned a great deal about how the rest of the world views computers thanks to her patience with me. Michele’s passion is in truth seeking, and social/political issues. Just as I have learned more about computers from the difference in our use of them, I know she has gained new understandings due to the differences in our approach to social and political issues. At one level we are the same: we have areas of great passion in our lives that excite and invigorate us; while at another level we are quite different: our areas are diverse and sometimes not shared at all.
In our discussion last night I saw more clearly than ever that she has a subset of my computing experience, and that she has less tolerance for incompleteness or difficulty. Knowing this allows me to take care of myself without trying to make her do it my way. Instead of trying to help (force?) her to have the same experience I have, now I can relax and enjoy her experience because I know it is what she desires. I see her knowledge and experience growing all the time, and I know that when she wants assistance that she’ll turn to me. That feels good, and it allows me to celebrate her enjoyment of computers without needing to make like my experience.
She, in turn, sees my growing social consciousness and political awareness as different from her own experience. She is there as a sounding board for me, and she has enriched my life by opening me up to these pursuits. I know that she celebrates my enjoyment of truth seeking and social understanding without needing to make it exactly like her experience.
Together we are learning new ways to grow and experience life. Michele has given me new insight in to my passions and interests. And she has opened my eyes to a whole new world of social and political interests. I believe that I have been able to give her new insights into her passions, and I believe that I have enriched her experience with my passions.
Since switching to Apple in January I have started using the OS X Address book to store my contact list. For the most part I am happy with this tool, although it is quirky in how you edit addresses. I like that I can store multiple sets of addresses for a contact, but therein lies a problem.
You see Palm OS 4 Address only allows one address (street, city, state, zip) to be stored for a contact. When I synchronize my Palm (via Palm Desktop HotSync and iSync) I never know what address I’ll find in my Palm afterwards. Most of the time I get the first address listed in the OS x copy installed on the Palm. This is fine, but I also sometimes have multiple repeats of information on the Palm. A contact that only has one address and one e-mail address in Address book, ends up having their e-mail address repeated 2 or more times in the Palm copy.
In the short term I plan on duplicating address cards in OS X Address book so that each entry has only one set of fields. Then when I sync with the Palm I won’t lose or duplicate data. What I would really like is for Palm to update their address software to handle multiple sets of information per contact, or for Apple to update the iSync conduit for Palm to handle the splitting of multiply-addressed contacts into multiple entries going to the Palm, and rejoining separate entities with the same name coming from the Palm.
I have added Refer 1.1 from Textism to my site so that I might discover who is linked to my site. I get about two dozen hits a week but I have no real idea from where.
I must say that it was very easy to install. Now if only some one will link to me so I can see it in action.
What is your favorite type of literature to read (magazine, newspaper, novels, nonfiction, poetry, etc.)? I would have to say novels.
What is your favorite novel? I can only have one? Hmm. How about ‘Cryptonomicon’ by Neal Stephenson.
Do you have a favorite poem? (Share it!) Come live with me and be my love, And we will all the pleasures prove That valleys, groves, hills, and fields, Woods, or steepy mountain yields.
And we will sit upon rocks, Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks, By shallow rivers to whose falls Melodious birds sing madrigals.
And I will make thee beds of roses And a thousand fragrant poises, A cap of flowers, and a kirtle Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle;
A gown made of the finest wool Which from our pretty lambs we pull; Fair lined slippers for the cold, With buckles of the purest gold;
A belt of straw and ivy buds, With coral clasps and amber studs; And if these pleasures may thee move, Come live with me, and be my love.
The shepherd’s swains shall dance and sing For thy delight each May morning: If these delights thy mind may move, Then live with me and be my love.
~Christopher Marlowe 1599
What is one thing you’ve always wanted to read, or wish you had more time to read? I have always wanted to read the plays of William Shakespeare.
What are you currently reading? “The Vanished Man” by Jeffrey Deaver, “A Brief History of Time” by Stephen Hawking, “Programming Jakarta Struts” by Chuck Cavaness, and “Mac OS X in a Nutshell” from O’Reilly Press.
fridayFive
This CNN Money story heralds a change in the color of our money. In an effort to stop counterfeiting the US Treasury is going to start issuing new $20 bills that are a color other than green.