Recently I updated my resumes on Monster and Dice. I had been very active on these two sites last spring during the 100 days I was out of work, but I had ignored them entirely since starting here in July 2004.
Imagine my surprise when within hours of posting an updated resume on Dice I stated getting emails and phone calls. The number of contacts only increased when I updated my profile on Monster. It would appear that the technical job market has taken a turn for the better. A year ago I could get a phone call to save my life, now I’m having to fend them off by letting the voice mail take some calls.
Of course it could be that my resume is more buzz-word compliant these days. I’ve added J2EE, and its associated complimentary technologies in a major way since going to work here. But I think the market as a whole is healthier than it was 12 months ago.
I’m not really looking for a change in employment right now. But it is nice to take the temperature of the local tech market waters and find it inviting.
Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a land far, far away I worked for a YMCA summer camp. In a week’s time I could teach 8-10 eight year olds the following:
One hen
Two ducks
Three squawking geese
Four limerick oysters
Five corpulent porpoises
Six pairs of Don Alverzo’s tweezers
Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array
Eight brass monkeys from the ancient sacred crypts of Egypt
Nine sympathetic, apathetic, diabetic old men on roller skates with a marked propensity toward procrastination and sloth
and
Ten lyrical, spherical denizens of the deep, who haul quay around the corner, and quiver all at the same time
Then I’d send them home with mom or dad with instructions to teach them the same verse. I just thought you should know.
On the eve of my 44th birthday, here are 44 things about me.
Yesterday at noon the closing off the house sale in Illinois took place. Michele and I chose not to return to Illinois for the event. Partly due to our financial situation, partly due to the 10-hour round trip drive involved, and mostly because of the bittersweet quality of the transaction. We were very happy in that house and now it feels like it was taken by strangers. It was easier not to have to meet them and suffer through their enthusiasm and joy while trying to console our own sadness.
Yesterday I got my Kansas drivers license in the mail. I guess that makes it official, I’m now a resident in one of the most conservative red states in the country. Now I understand how a long-tailed cat feels in a room full of rocking chairs.
In one week I’ll be 44. Middle aged, if I live to be 88. Like everyone else I get reflective when my birthday rolls around. This year is no different; I just wish I had more uplifting things to reflect upon. Oh well, they saw it’s always darkest just before the dawn. I guess the metaphorical sun is about to come blazing through the windows of my life.
As seen on Blue Plaid Shirt, these are my URL ABCs:
A is for And If You Did Know? B is for bbum’s rants, code & references C is for CSS Vault D is for Daring Fireball E is for Etherfarm F is for Forwarding Address: OS X G is for Grey Expectations H is for Hivelogic I is for iWalt » WEblog J is for Jason Santa Maria K is for Kottke L is for Loobylu M is for Manical Rage N is for Nick Finck O is for On A Long Piece of String P is for Playground Blues R is for Rands in Repose S is for Sarah Hatter T is for Thought Anomalies U is for Uber Design V is for Veerle’s Blog W is for What Do I Know X is for XLab Z is for Zeldman
I’m missing Q and Y.
On the eve of becoming homeless (as in no longer owning a house variety, not the living in the back seat of my car variety) I am struck by at least one positive thought.
This will be the first spring in several years I haven’t had to battle with Maple seeds. You know, those little one-bladed helicopter jobs that twirl their way to the ground every spring. These are great when you’re eight-years-old, but not as much fun when you come equipped with gutters. Or a pool.
With a gas-heated pool we were able to be open, up, and running in plenty of time for the yearly airborne invasion. Hundreds of new seeds every day. Thousands of them. And what the salesman didn’t tell you about your pool is that, among other things, it is a magnet for Maple seeds. They plug up the skimmer, and the pre-filter on the pump itself. For about two weeks it was a daily chore to fish several pounds of water-logged Maple progeny out of the pool and its plumbing.
Then about the time the assault from on high was finished, and the pool was really open for business; the gutters started sprouting. Yes - sprouting. Maple seed in water germinate quickly. One day your house looks well maintained and the next you’ve got TREES growing in the gutters. Out comes the extension ladder, the leaf blower, and a 100 feet of electric cord. Up to the roof you go for an hour or so of mucky fun.
But not this year. This year I am gutter-less, pool-less, house-less, and seedless.
My driver’s license expires in just three weeks and so this afternoon Michele and I ventured out in search of the Kansas DMV so I could start the process of getting a new one. Having now lived in several states as a licensed driver, I’ve been through the gauntlet of tests, forms, lines, et cetera several times. I was expecting to get the review booklet today in preparation for a written test later.
Like all driver’s license centers, this one was true to the bare cinderblock walls and massively uncomfortable plastic chairs motif. When we arrived there were about 9 applicants in line ahead of us; by the time we left the line extend out of the building and on to the sidewalk.
The surprise was that no test was required. I barely had time to fill out the $22 check before I was getting my picture taken. My new Kansas license will be in the mail in two to three weeks.
Easily the least painful driver’s license exchange I’ve ever been through. And, as a bonus, I still have my soon to expire Illinois license intact.
The event we’ve been waiting for since last spring is finally on the calendar.
12:00 PM (Central time) April 29, 2005.
This is the date and time of the closing on our house in Illinois. Yep. It’s sold. Just a few more items on the “to-do” list, and a few more days on the calendar and we rejoin the ranks of the non-home owners. Even though we’ve been living in this, ah, apartment for the past 10 months we still felt like home owners because we were still home owners.
And we had the mortgage payments to prove it.
Now that we are about to be free from this burden we both are feeling bittersweet. We know that Illinois isn’t right for us and yet we feel a sense of loss about no longer having any real home - even if it was in Illinois. We have no idea when (or really even where) we’ll have a home, a house again. And the sense of displacement is powerful at times.
So we will have a closing, and that will move us one more step towards closure.
I haven’t had the desire or inclination to post much here lately. The added stress of trying to limp along financially until the closing on our house, and worries over whether we’ll be able to move out of this apartment soon have taken most of the wind out of my sails.
We have a solid contract on the house in Illinois. That’s the good news. The downside is the buyer is unmotivated to close early. Initially their offer had a contingency - they had to sell their house first - and we were able to keep ours on the market. We got a second offer without a contingency and accept it immediately. The first buyer met the terms of the contract and removed their contingency. They then had a number of inspections completed and produced rather lengthy list of nit-picky details needing attention. We had the option of refusing to address any of the items but ethically and morally we felt we had to at least make a token offer. So we countered with a $500 refund at closing time. Much to our eventual dismay the buyer accepted our terms.
If I were buying a house that needed some repairs, even minor ones, I would want it sooner rather than later. Even without the repairs I would want possession as soon as possible. These buyers aren’t motivated that way and it appears we’ll have to wait until the original date, June 13th, even though the contract clearly states, “June 13 or earlier.” That means three more months of no month and no room for error. Yes there is an end in sight, but somehow that makes the payments all the more bitter rather then providing any relief.
We’ve been looking at maintenance free homes in the area and are finding several communities we like. It would appear that we aren’t the only couple in the world who wants a low-maintenance house. We’ve found one we really like but unless I can get the job I’m angling for, and get a sign on bonus too, I don’t think we’ll be able to move just yet. Living here in this apartment has been difficult at best. Neither Michele or I feel entirely safe or at home here. It’s like a Residence Inn with our furniture. Oh and noisy intrusive neighbors. If I never, ever have to live with a neighbor through a common wall or ceiling again, it’ll be too soon.
For a long time I was looking for anyway possible out of this mess. Even drastic approaches held some appeal to me. In my experience and estimation, talking about all the choices you have, even the foolish or offbeat ones, is the only way to completely clear the emotional table. Leaving some option hidden away is like leaving a wound untreated. It’ll begin to fester and eventually infect the whole body with its poison. Consequently I have talked, sometimes openly and sometimes obliquely, about suicide in the last year. It is an option. Not a good one, but certainly there. In talking about it and thinking about it I have been able to evaluate my life very closely and honestly. It has given me a lens I wouldn’t have had otherwise.
I am extremely fortunate to share my life with Michele. And no matter how rough current conditions maybe, I will always have her love and support. One of the factors that makes our marriage so strong is that she can be my hero, and I can let her fill that role when I need. We have both leaned on each other a great deal in the last 12 months. Another two or three will see the worst of the financial burden behind us and then maybe I’ll start to relax and enjoy myself once again.
For now, it is enough to make it to the end of the day without either going postal at work, or spending some quality time in the garage with the car running.
I find myself in a rather morose mood today. This in spite of a firm contract for our house in Illinois, and the discovery of some new housing developments here producing ranch style homes we like. Selling our old house and thinking about a new one seems like jumping through hoops to me. Jumping through hoops that someone else is controlling.
Lately it seems as if the cost of living, the emotional and spiritual cost, is far greater than the benefit it buys. I work, sleep, work again, cook, sleep again, and so on. Endlessly repeating the same activities just so I can be alive one more day. Just so I can lift the burden that my life has become. I am so very tired of all of the drama and turmoil. I am worn out from worrying and stress, and I am exhausted from trying to fit in and belong in a society that seems alien to me.
Losing my sister when I was twelve years old scarred me for life. It profoundly altered my understanding of our limited time here in this physical plane. When I look at the loved ones in my life today I see that I am fortunate beyond words. I have a loving wife who is beautiful outside and in. I share my home with two felines that return my love with joy and nonjudgmental love of their own. And after years of hard work on myself I finally have, and accept that I have, the best relationship possible with my family. I also see death. Baring a deliberate intervention on my part I will outlive all that I love and live for. Sitting here this afternoon I know that I will be alone at the end of my life.
So, what does it all mean? What is the purpose of living if in the end all you love dies; and you yourself pass on leaving a fading ripple on the surface of life’s water? I try to live for the moment, accepting the emotions and thoughts each day brings and releasing them as soon as they are past. But sometimes I get into a mood, and then all I can see is the darkness along the path ahead. And while I am not afraid of facing the darkness anymore, I am weary of facing it again and again.